What I have learned.
During the process of making these portraits I found out a whole lot about my decisions in men- both good and bad- and a lot about the way others think in relation to their own experiences.
While I drew each picture (one taking approximately 2-3 hours), it was hard to not think about the subject. The boy. The person I let be a part of my life for those moments.
I reflected on the good: When they made me feel like i was the only person like me. When I had the best sex of my life. When I felt love. When (and sorry to be cliche) I couldn’t stop smiling and irritating my friends with my constant gushing. When we went to Spain. When he left an anonymous mix tape at my door. When we stayed in bed all Sunday doing all things Sunday. And best of all, when we couldn’t stop kissing.
I also reflected on the bad: When I cried because of something he had said. When I needed to yell at him from frustration. When I was told I was a bad dancer. When he didn’t kiss me for a year. When he ejaculated in my face when I was sleeping. When he made me feel bad for being ambitious. When he injured me. When he kept telling me he wanted my friends. When he cheated and gave me an STI. When he broke my heart.
I know now what I don’t want. That is not to say I have a list…in fact, far from it. I actually feel released from this idea that I had previously had about who and what type I preferred.
I can say also that I feel like I can see my friends’ choices a little clearer too- although I would never pass judgment… with my sister as the exception. Sorry May.
This has brought up really interesting conversations too. I know I am going to receive a whole lot of shit from this…that’s okay. It was worth it.
*Note: All Images are chronological with the intention of updating.